On March 7th, about 6 days from now, I'll take my test for the rank of Gokyu. I can't say that I'm nervous at this point. Nomura Sensei has been kind enough to let all of the studdents practice with mock trial examinations to defeat the nervous feelings that cause us all to freeze up and forget the moves. I am embarrrassed to say that I requested Nomura Sensei repeat the name of the attack he wished to see, on the first trial examination, and on the second, a move was called out that I had been unfamiliar with and was actually demonstrated to me.

I have not seen much of my rival these past few weeks. Mizushima has been going on days that I have been unable to attend due to work, but I am curious to see if he performs as I do, or if he has surpassed me.

As I've mentioned before, I have limited time in this country, and I have set the goal to achieve the rank of Shodan before I leave. In order to do that. I must take and pass every single test that is available to me. Many of the people I practice with tell me that it can be done, but I am skeptical of my own abilities and progress. I have worked hard in these three months and have yet to really accomplish anything. I am told the accomplishments are there, but I don't see them. I wish to pass my tests and return to my country with a new sense of worth.

...

While writing the above, I walked a way for a few moments and considered it. One side of me thought how childish that I should want to train and take tests to achieve a rank. What does rank mean? I should be training for trainings sake and nothing more. Rank is nothing but someone telling me I've done a good enough job in their eyes. What about my own eyes? The other side responds that the shodan rank will bring me pride in myself. A grand accomplishment that anyone and everyone would be proud of. I am of split minds and am unfocused. I must be focused and clear and not consider such things if I am to progress in the martial arts. I will take a walk and go rent a kung fu movie to help me relax. Any suggestions?